What hurts the most
by chappy92
Summary: Seventeen months of normality. The very dream a certain shinigami representative wished for that's come true. So why then does it seem that something is missing?


**Title:** What hurts the most

**Rating:** K – T

**Pairings:** IchixRuki

Song fic. Based on the What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts.(one-shot only) Spoilers from bleach chapter 423 – 424. Bleachverse (obviously :p)

**Summary:** Seventeen months of normality. The very dream a certain shinigami representative wished for that's come true. So why then does it seems that something is missing?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own bleach.

* * *

[Ichigo]

It's been a little over a year now since I lost my power.

I should be grateful, after all this is what I've always wanted. This was the normal life I've been trying to achieve for years.

You could say it was "a dream come true".

So then, why do I feel like something's missing...

Like a part of me disappeared...

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house__  
__that don't bother me_

Karin has a soccer match today, so as expected no one was home that late afternoon, and no one probably will be till later in the evening.

I would have gone walking around the town to kill time; we only had one easy assignment that day so no big deal. Unfortunately as soon as I got in the house it started to rain.

I'm sure the match has to stop soon; they wouldn't want anyone to slip and injure themselves on the mud. But if the down pour gets any stronger Dad and the twins would probably have to wait for the rain to lighten up before they head home.

I decided to put off the assignment till after diner, it wasn't like it was going anywhere. It was a hard day and I seriously needed some time off. Since walking was out of the option I begrudgingly dragged myself up to my room. I sluggishly slipped onto the bed, my ears listening to the soft tapping of the rain on the roof.

I _can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

I laid there for who knows how long, my mind slowly going in and out of consciousness and my vision starts to get blurry. The last thing I remember before welcoming sleep was the gentle cold air caressing my face and something cool running down the side of my face.

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while__  
__Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

Ichigo woke up to the sounds of rumbling and a couple of shouting from downstairs. With much effort he managed to turn his head and look out his window.

The rain has gone down to a weak drizzle. Behind the thinning, grey clouds he could easily find the full moon as its soft rays of light filtered though his window.

Ichigo grumbled under his breath as he stretched his tired muscles. While letting out a big yawn he reached up to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes. His body suddenly tensed. Tentatively he pulled his hand away and stared long and hard at it. They were moist with what could only be tears.

His tears

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok__  
__But that's not what gets me_

Ichigo was not one to cry. Yes he sobers up during his mother's death anniversary along with his family. But he doesn't cry. He hasn't, not since a long time ago.

Wiping the remnants of his tears away he stonily stood up, his customary scowl fixed in place as he started to head down to greet his family.

[{{{{{}}}}}]

[Rukia]

_What hurts the most__  
__Was being so close_

The dark haired shinigami sat contentedly at the crook of one the peach trees strongest branch, her right arm wrapped around her propped up knees while the other dangled at her side. Her head was resting comfortably on the top of her knee as she watched the activity on the other side of the street.

The day had been a slow one. There was little to no activity in her station. She did a couple of soul burial here and there and soon enough found herself wondering the streets waiting for the day to end.

In the end her feet had brought her to that spot, under the bare peach blossom tree, as it has time and time again. Sure enough as she reached the third branch she could easily find the familiar orange mess of hair behind the transparent glass windows.

As always the teens head was cocked to the side, supported by his right arm, as his scowling face stared dully out the window, possibly paying little to no mind to the teachers rambles.

A small sad smile graced the shinigami's lips as she watched on.

_And having so much to say__  
__And watching you walk away_

As soon as the last bell rung Rukia slipped off the tree landing gracefully on her feet. She stretched for a half a minute getting the kinks out of her neck and the feelings back to her numb legs.

Right before the students started filling out the school gates Rukia had already started on her route. It was always the same routine when she was there on patrol. At first it was just a harmless observation, out of concern for the 'idiot'. Then every time she was patrolled there she'd end up in the same tree, watching.

She knew he couldn't see, couldn't hear her. It was painfully obvious, the way he never responds nor even acknowledges her. She knew he had lost his ability to see everything that was like her.

It was the way it should be.

She was dead and he was living.

She knew that, but it doesn't lessen the pain of never being able to converse with him anymore. To watch him walk by not knowing she was just there.

[{{{{{}}}}}]

[Ichigo]

_And never knowing__  
__what could have been__  
__and not seeing that loving you__  
__is what I was tryin' to do_

Ichigo watched as Rukia slowly disappeared right in front of him. He had to put in a lot of effort to keep his hands in his jacket pocket and not reach out. The smile on his face is genuine though, he was glad that at least he was able to see her through the end. If he could stay like that for just a little bit more...

If this really was the last time they'd see each other again for a long time might as well make it light-hearted. He doesn't want to see any tears, not like that. Not when he knew he won't be able to offer any comfort.

So instead of doing what he wanted, he did what felt right.

Now, even after seventeen months he could still remember that day. The "what if's" ever present, never leaving his mind.

Still unanswered...

[{{{{{}}}}}]

[Rukia]

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go__  
__But I'm doin' it_

Rukia watched as the children played gleefully in the play park. It was the same park she took Ichigo to for his first official hollow extermination.

She grimaced at the image of Ichigo telling the scared child to "hurry and go to heaven already..."

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

She already spoke with the others a couple of times, well actually just Orihime, Ishida and Chad. They would exchange news and gossips, share a couple of laughs then afterwards she would always asked them with a way too cheerful smile not to tell Ichigo she visited.

It was easier that way, she'd always tell herself.

[{{{{{}}}}}]

[Ichigo]

_Still Harder__  
__Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret__  
__But I know if I could do it over_

Zipping his school blazer up to his chest Ichigo glanced at his alarm clock.

6:47 am it read.

Glaring at the infernal contraption Ichigo shut his eyes as he ungracefully plopped himself on his bed. It was still early, no need to hurry.

He's done his assignment and studied last night, it was not as if there was anything else he needed to do, so everything was fine. There was no need for panicking or cramming, like what a certain friend of his would be doing right at that moment.

Opening his eyes he stared at the closet parallel to his bed. It was cold and empty, as it was before she came.

Gingerly Ichigo stood up from his bed and slowly walked the short distance to his closet. His left had reached for the handle and slowly slid it open before it dropped to his side. A deep frown was etched on his face; it wasn't as if he was expecting anything but it would have been nice to see signs of life.

_I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart__  
__That I left unspoken_

His fingers deftly traced the lines of the closets surface. That was after all one of her favourite places. He remembered the time she brought a window and stated that she wanted to install it in the small space.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face as his features softened at the memory.

[{{{{{}}}}}]

_What hurts the most__  
__was being so close__  
__and having so much to say__  
__and watching you walk away__  
__and never knowing__  
__what could have been__  
__and not seeing that loving you__  
__is what I was trying to do_

[Rukia]

Rukia stood unmoving at neighbouring roof, her gaze never leaving the back of the orange head as he made his way to his closet, her old pseudo room. Her right hand gripped the sleeve of her loose shihakusho as her eyes stung with the tears she wouldn't let out.

Slowly her right hand rose to her face and curled into a fist. Her lips softly touched her knuckles, and then with both her index and middle finger she pointed at Ichigo. A silent farewell she had made after he lost his power.

Letting her hand fall to her side smiled his way, even though she knew he couldn't see. Then she turned around and disappeared in a blur.

_Not seeing that loving you__  
__that's what I was trying to do__..._

Before shutting the door close Ichigo raised two fingers to his lips, and then slowly it descended to the closets frame, closely followed by a drop of water.

* * *

Okay so like this story has been in my computer for a while now, it took some time before I finally concluded that it was 'in character' enough to be posted here.

**Announcement:** As some of you know I kinda up and disappeared all of a sudden. Sorry but my laptop crashed a while back (twice in a month actually) so I lost some of my work which was why I haven't posted the latest chapter of 'I'm with you'. Plus with school I rarely have time to write fiction.

But fear not! I've sent the latest chapter to my beta and am now waiting for her 'okay'.


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